The Definitive Halloween Candy Rankings
Yeah, yeah, Halloween house parties and sexy nurse costumes are all well and good, but, real talk, it’s about the candy. You’ve got apps on your phone to increase your productivity and a smart watch for better efficiency, and with that in mind, we’re going to help you maximize your Halloween experience with minimal effort. Like a spooky Tim Ferriss on a definitely-not-4-Hour Diet-approved sugar binge, we’ve done the hardcore analysis, run the numbers and are pleased to present the definitive Halloween candy rankings.
The Best of the Best
1. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups - Obviously the G.O.A.T, the pb cup’s dominance cannot be questioned and it's deliciousness is un-fuckwitable.
2. Jolly Ranchers - Sure, lemon and grape suck, but the utter deliciousness of green apple and watermelon make these a perennial winner.
3. Snickers - The OG of the game, Snickers has chocolate and peanuts on lock. We see you peanut M&M’s, we see you.
4. Sour Patch Kids - Like a sour slap in the face from a bitter ex, SPK's are legendary. Red is tops, of course, but don’t sleep on orange.
Honorary Mention: Tootsie Pops
1. Candy Corns - The undisputed grossest, dumbest candy in the game. The person behind these abominations should be punched in the face and never allowed to listen to Drake again.